How often have you thought about what you’re thinking? Maybe you do. Many only stop to think about what they think when they’re having a problem.

You may ask, “why is this happening?” “How come I can’t find a few good friends?” or “When will life be easy and others cooperate with me?”

The reason you’re asking the questions is because something is not working. What’s not working is your ability to interact, the words you use, the way you think about your abilities, and so much more.

The words you use with yourself are what dictate how your day, your week, and your life will be.

Thoughts are the foundation of your actions and those thoughts were learned starting when you were just a tiny baby.

You learned how to interact, how to talk to others, how to think about yourself as soon as your brain was formed. You felt, watched, listened, and tried out methods you saw others try.

You heard words from friends, family, and teachers. Maybe you were told to take certain actions, answer a question, play a game. You learned and your brain stored.

Everything you learned also created feelings. Those varied based on the situation.

The people who had great influence in your development where the ones to teach you what to do. The ideas and actions to take, the thoughts to think and what to feel. Those were all stored so you could survive up through today.

Everyone learns through repetition or an intense event.

With repetition ideas and events are imprinted in your mind over a longer period of time. If they were learned quickly, it wouldn’t take as much repetition.

Intense events are stored much quicker, sometimes with one trial learning.

Repetition is generally what happens at school. Math equations, history lessons, and so on. It’s also learned at home, “put the dishes on that shelf,” “wash your clothes on Sunday.”

Sometimes an experiment goes awry and boom, there’s instant learning. Don’t mix those two chemicals together.

One fun chemistry day I learned how necessary a lab coat is when I splashed the tiniest bit of acid on clothes. It quickly created small holes in my clothes. Due to the intense nature of the event I still remember I wore a peach skirt.

Instant learning can also happen with a negative comment or action by those influential in your life. A teacher may say, “you’ll never understand this,” or a parent says, “why can’t you be like your sister?”

The thoughts you think today are some of the same words you learned as a child.

We want to blame parents for all the troubles in our lives. They are only partially responsible. They do have a huge influence on your life as do other important members of your circle.

Parents have parenting skills they learned from their parents. If they don’t break a cycle they didn’t like, it will carry through to you. They learned it like you learn everything, repetition or an intense event.

Your actions follow your thoughts. If you think you’re not capable, even with a lot of successes in your wake, you may just give up, or stop yourself short of true success.

If you hear the repetition of a negative comment from a parent, you may feel depressed, despite having a full life with many friends and activities.

It’s up to you to decide what you want to continue to believe about yourself and your abilities.

Blaming doesn’t stop negative thoughts. It keeps you in the cycle of thinking them. Blaming doesn’t change negative actions, it reinforces them.

It’s okay to stop allowing negative words, thoughts, and actions to influence you.

Do some research. Learn how you want to be and practice those actions. Hire a coach. Watch videos. Take a class or get a job with the types of skills you’d like to learn.

When something isn’t going the way you want it to, your job is to learn new skills to create an environment you want.

No one is perfect. The best way to change your thoughts is to replace them with the ones you want to think. Learn new skills which benefit your life right now and for the future.

Practice, practice, practice. This is all repetition is. Practice at something you want to be better at. Practice a different way to think or a different way to act.

Do you struggle with social interactions? Talk to a friend and work together to get better at it. Have questions you can ask ahead of time. Think of a story which might be fun to share.

Do you fear public speaking? Give your speech in front of a mirror. Instead of thinking about how nervous you are (maybe you’ve heard you’re supposed to be nervous when giving a talk), think about how nice you look in your outfit, how comfortable your shoes are, or what a good voice you have.

When you’re thinking about something completely unrelated to what you’re worried, stressed, or anxious about, you won’t be worried, stressed, or anxious about it.

You have to decide you want to change. When you do, your life will change.

It can be a challenge to change thoughts from, “ones you’ve always heard” to something unknown or new. It can be comfortable to stay with the thoughts you think. It’s what you know.

Change is only for those who want it. For those who make the choice to do something different.

Lessons learned from childhood won’t always be beneficial to your life today. Some may still apply. Many won’t.

If you truly want to change your situation, you have to make the decision to think differently than you do now. Once you do, you’ll find the information and knowledge you need to live the life you desire.